Princess
by VermilionGoddess
Summary: Because of all people Urahara would be the one to make the comparison because of a song. He's also the only one who could get away with it too, unfortunately for Ichigo. Crack!fic based off the Vocaloid songs World Is Mine and Another: World Is Mine.


"Oh Princess." The older man said in a sing-song tone much to the chagrin, or shock, of the other teenagers in his establishment besides the obviously addressed redhead.

That Kisuke missed being struck was due to his reflexes alone. If Ichigo had been less shocked he was fairly sure that he would have managed to smack the man, or so he told himself. But as it was pale fingers kept a hold of a tanned wrist and manipulated the grip to his liking to place a kiss on the back of the captive hand. Of course the kiss led to a flare of color in the boy's cheeks but that was half the point of the gesture.

"You better be talking to Inoue."

"While she has a lovely name, afraid not."

If it wouldn't have been a waste of energy and breath Ichigo would have yelled at the man but frankly by now he knew it was pointless. The merchant had a habit of only hearing what he wanted, something he recalled when he questioned the older man had called selective hearing. So instead of making himself red in the face, or more red in the face really, he settled for wrenching himself out of the others grip while avoiding looking at any of his friends.

Ishida was looking highly entertained if the smirk on his face was anything to go by. Orihime looked a bit lost though smiling, undeterred from being her cheerful self. Rukia was looking amused and devious, probably the most dangerous of the group. Chad was just well himself about the whole thing. One small salvation the teenager supposed was that Yoruichi wasn't around to enjoy this as well, at his expense of course.

"You know that tie is rather flattering on you Ichigo-kun. Particularly with your skin tone."

"Everyone has to wear it. It looks stupid." Was all he said in reply to the nonsense coming out of his boyfriend's mouth.

"Ooh are those new shoes?" Kisuke asked as if fascinated and gesturing to his footwear by the door with his fan.

"No they're old." Now Ichigo was beginning to wonder if Tessai had done something stupid like breaking that important house rule of letting Urahara anywhere near anything with caffeine.

The blond just smile pleasantly and nodded. "Right."

While it was not uncommon for the older man to be strange, he wasn't what anyone would ever call sane, and they were all accustomed to his eccentricities this was a little off the map even for him. Ichigo was the only one who seemed to have thought as much though because none of his friends were giving odd looks. Ishida seemed amused still. Rukia was, of all things, eying Urahara a sense of wondering approval and offering a thumbs up. Orihime seemed to be a bit beside herself too, though no where near as much as Rukia, which only reminded him that anyone from Soul Society really was messed in the head. Chad was still Chad, meaning at least someone else was still sane.

"Everyone come in, come in." Kisuke called to the group and waving them all in to sit. "I'll get some tea and something sweet for you."

Humoring the man Ichigo took his usual spot where he's be across the table from his boyfriend. Rukia had taken a seat as well and looked pleased still about something Ichigo would never bother asking about, he did not want to know. Orihime tentatively settled as well beside Ishida who looked rather like he was still enjoying some joke that had yet to make itself blatantly apparent. Chad again just sat like he normally would on the other side of the table across from Uryuu and Inoue.

It was not long before the shopkeeper returned with the tea and began seeing to being a good host, as he usually was. Asking on how the affairs of the day went as amiably as ever leading Orihime to speak with the man smiling as much as he was. Thinking things had settled into the relative normalcy that they had Ichigo let his attention wander up until he felt someone settle at his side to see Urahara there.

"What are you doing?"

"Why sitting next to you of course! I would be remiss as your lover to sit away from you wouldn't I?"

Rukia nodded her agreement to the statement, Ichigo only snorted.

"Did you not sleep or something?"

Laughing and waving a hand he dismissed it. "Isn't that sweet of you Ichigo-kun to be asking about my health. I'm fit as a fiddle as it were."

"So bat-shit insane as usual." The redhead muttered mostly to himself.

To his luck things just continued on this strange new path. Thankfully it was easy enough for him to ignore his boyfriend's oddity for the rest of their visit. It was much easier to take into stride once he no longer had to put up with Ishida's strange continued level of amusement at his torture, okay so maybe that was a melodramatic way of putting it, and Rukia's departure to end her encouragement of Urahara's new retardedness.

But even with his friends gone Kisuke was still acting weird, sitting on the edge of his seat and practically always giving Ichigo his undivided attention even for just his smart ass remarks. In a way it was flattering to have the genius's full attention but at the same time it was also odd to as well, after all he in no way thought he could occupy the older man entirely with his attention span. If that wasn't enough Kisuke seemed to be acting rather chivalrous as well, opening doors and offering him help for stupid things. Again it was a bit flattering for the attention as much as it was annoying, he was able to do something as simple as opening a door on his own, and suffocating.

Having finally had enough Ichigo decided to go home before he stuffed Kisuke's ugly hat down his throat. At home at least the worst he'd have to put up with was his dad and he was at least entirely predictable.

On his way to bed after a bath he paused to hear his sister singing something in hushed tones. The tune was okay but it was the lyrics that made him stop and listen. Wait, wait. Princess, hair, shoes, sweets...that sounded a little too familiar. Ignoring the voice that told him he was just being paranoid he waited out the rest of the song, ignoring that he felt rather like his father to be eavesdropping on his sister something clicked.

Urahara was acting after the girl in the song that was making demands her boyfriend. Twitching Ichigo vowed he was going to kick his boyfriend's ass next time he saw him for treating him like a damn, well, a Princess.


End file.
